i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
