I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
