You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
