My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
