Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
