My brain says no but my pants say off.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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