I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
