i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
