i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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