this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just had sex on a roof
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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