dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
