new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
