Me. At least after what I've been through.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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