I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
