This is not my ceiling
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
