he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
