I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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