dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
