I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
