i think i have two assholes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
