First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
