I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
