is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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