I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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