tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
