well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
