I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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