Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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