The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
