Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize