Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
