just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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