I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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