and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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