1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He better not be in your backpack
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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