This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
