Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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