You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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