it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
