is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
