i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
