You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
