I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
