Umm I'm too high to move.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
