your parents love me but you hate me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
