I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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