On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
