What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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