Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
