so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
