You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
