sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
