Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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