Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
