Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
