Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
