dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
