Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
