I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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