get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
