Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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