I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
