He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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