I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
