also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
