Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
