i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
