I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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