So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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