this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
