Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
