Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
