just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
