Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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