I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
